Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
