Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
