just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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