Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
