btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
