omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
