Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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