i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
