She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
