This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
