just tell him i said nine months
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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