have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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