dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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