I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
