if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
