Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
