You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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