just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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