he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
