I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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