I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
