Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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