you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
