Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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