So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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