i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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