I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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