I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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