I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
