so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
