Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
