Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Will you blow on my dice?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
