I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
