I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
