Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
