WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
