I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
