I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
