Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
