They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
