Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
