I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had to cum in my sink.
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