i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
