I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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