Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
