I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
