Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
