Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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