Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
