i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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