cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
