Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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