I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
