sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
