I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
