i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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