tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
