grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
