Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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