We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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