I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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