ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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