Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was so not down for the gang bang
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
