i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
