I heard we made out
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
