my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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