K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ate ashes out of my bong
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
