ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
