Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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