I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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