I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
