um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
