Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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