i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
