my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
