dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
