remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
