I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
