i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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