She's JV to your varsity
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
