my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
