My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
